I wrote my poem on soda which is first activity we done in class. Now I finished the poem and wanted to see your thoughts on it.
Lemon and Lime
A castle of wonder,
built above the vast sea.
A translucent body of seltzer,
with an abundance of foam.
Familiar crackles and pops,
A home to inhabitants of effervesce
A garden surrounds the castle,
A prosperous sector of trees.
Trees of lemon and lime,
Each with its own personality.
The zing of lime,
An everlasting liveliness.
The sweetness of lemon,
A necessary comfort.
Both composed to bring a sense of escape,
An escape to the endless nights of adherence.
I relish that feeling of contentedness,
As I take flight
To that garden of lemon and lime
Wow !! This is awesome!! You made something so beautiful with something so simple! Really love this image of a castle too. Love it!!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate it. Your comment encourages me to write more poems like this. Thank you.
DeleteI really enjoyed the vocabulary you used in order to describe the soda. The imagery was excellent as well,the description of the soda added a whole sense of mystery to the property of why we enjoy soft drinks to begin with. I was also impress with the ending of the poem it provided good closure to the topic " I relish that feeling of contentedness, As I take flight to that garden of lemon and lime" This built an image to the ending of a fairy tale. Its a really nice poem good job!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your poem especially what you used to interpret the Lemon and lime aspect of it . These 2 lines In the second stanza “Trees lf lemon and lime, Each with its own personality.”really caught my attention as I do agree each lemon and lime do have their own personalities as they can individually have a more sour taste all depending by simply their environment their growth was in. You truly went the extra mile making this poem expressing how the lemon and lime were key factors in the soda. Only one suggestion If you’d like to edit your title and bring out another aspect of the Sprite soda.
ReplyDelete"A translucent body of seltzer" This line formed an image of a body filled with clear 7up, sort of like an animated figure from an animated movie. The more you went on with describing a scene with a castle, the more I imagined the 7up figure walking through some trees picking lemons and I can smell it, and I can see it all, the words you used really gave it some emotion behind it. My favorite part thing about this poem is that you included senses, especially smells, it brought it to life in a way that made me read this poem a second, third and forth time.
ReplyDeleteI love the imagery in this poem and how whimsical it is! It's very uplifting and reading it made me crave Sprite. Your writing is very nice and you don't repeat words and you have a really good vocabulary. I was hooked on this poem from the opening stanza, where you described the castle and garden and I immediately envisioned both. Great job!
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